Today is the day I finally see my new pdoc. I've been waiting for about 2 months to see her. I've had no meds for the whole time. I wrote a huge note that I'm either going to read from so I don't forget anything or maybe she'll want to read it herself. I hope it works. I had a nightmare about it last night. It was horrible.

The appointment is around 10:30 and it's about 8:30 now but it's kind of far away so we have to leave soon. I'm just so nervous. I really want this new one to work out. I spent so much time finding a pdoc who actually takes patients and has decent reviews.

I also have a fear running in my head that she's going to send me to the hospital. I wrote some scary things in the note, but nothing like that is happening to me at the moment. i should be okay right? I'm not thinking about suicide or hallucinating right now. She can't send me there? All I did was write that it happens to me often.

I am just so nervous I can barely breathe.