I have no kids due to my choice. My long-term boyfriend has kids from his previous marriage. He actually encouraged me to have a child, but I declined for a bunch of my own reasons. Now, many years later, I'm not sorry, but I wouldn't recommend this way of life to any normal person. (I've never considered myself normal.)

If your partner loves you, I think it's very wrong to ask this of you. Sounds like pure selfishness to me. I believe you will regret not having children. Here's my advice: Don't get pregnant, unless you get married first. Don't marry him, unless he agrees that he is open to children. Tell him that, unless this relationship is heading toward marriage, you need to end it. Then, if he is willing to lose you over this, he is not in love with you all that much. No matter how happy you feel you are with him, he will be using you to meet his needs, while leaving your profound and natural need unmet. That - to me - screams "selfish."

I think this is a little game that men who are self-centered like to play. You're not the first person who's told me they were in this scenario. Ask yourself if there aren't other signs that this guy is very into himself. I suspect you are quite the giver, and he is big into being given to. Things he may do for you, I'll bet, are strictly on his terms. Years from now, that's going to get old.

The funny thing is that he, himself, would probably have a fuller, richer life, if he were to become a father. I think he's just too self-absorbed to see that. Guys like that can calculate the cost of things, but not the value.

Throw the ball back into his court. Say: "I plan on trying to have a child. If that's objectionable to you, then move on."