As you said you feel like a newborn baby now and having kids would not work anytime soon. I see so many people having kids before they have really worked on themselves, or even know themselves. I am trying hard to work on myself as I often find myself depressed, negative, and am constantly comparing myself to others. Plus I am completely uncertain of my career and trying to work out a new direction to go into. I can't see myself having kids before I have at least worked on some of this (at the very least my career and developing healthier habits). My fear is that I may never feel fully content with myself to have kids so why throw away something good for something that might happen?

My boyfriend worries he preventing me from doing something that will make me happy and it will ultimately cause friction in our relationship. He is starting to think it won't work out but I am trying to convince myself otherwise.