Sort of having a terrible midlife crisis, loads of anxiety, malaise, and close to depression. Except for my therapist, I find it hard to talk to to friends and family about the extent of it, as I don't want to worry people. In short, I lost a wonderful job in 2015, I was 48 at the time. Finding a decent job in my then field proved to be harder than I ever could have imagined. I own a small home a few hours from where I was living at the time, and thought I would have to sell it, but instead, I moved into that little house in 2016 and decided to get into a new career entirely. I made this decision in good part due to someone I was involved with in that location who I cared for. Not a brilliant move, as often is the case with moving somewhere to be with someone you are not in a committed relationship with. Cut a few years ahead, that relationship ended last year, because the guy in question backed off when we got really close, due to his own intimacy issues, and maybe because he just didn't care for me enough. Around the same time, I also lost my father. My sense of abandonment is pretty fierce. It has been almost a year, and I am nowhere near over a terribly broken heart. I am in the new career, and it is going ok. Not great, but ok. But my main problems as I see it are these. I keep looking back at the happiness I felt in that relationship and from the success I had in the prior career. I'm by nature an optimist and don't wish to believe that my best days are behind me. But I turned 50 and have been very hormonal, though not yet menopausal. I cry a lot over the relationship that meant so much to me. The little dating I've done since it ended hasn't been meaningful, I just haven't clicked with anyone. I miss my ex terribly. The area I moved to is not loaded with single men either, so prospects aren't exactly growing on trees, including online. My life feels empty, not just because of my ex's absence, but because all of the happiness and hope I used to feel about my life and my future has been stripped. Therapy and anti-depressants help a little. Not feeling able to share this stuff has me feeling isolated. I cry a lot, but am pretty functional when it comes to going to work and going out a bit socially. I know that better weather coming soon will lift my spirits and I'll find more things to do with myself, and will be more physically active. I feel like this is a classic mid life crisis and sort of an identity one too. I know it is possible to turn this around and to regain my sense of optimism, but it is a struggle to not look back at what I had and to not fear a future full of loneliness and the lack of fulfillment currently felt. I already know that keeping busy and trying to set new goals and meet new people is a necessity, but I just don't feel excited about these prospects. I feel like all of the hope I used to feel about life has just disappeared somehow. That seems to be my core issue, along with the anxiety and loneliness I feel about getting older and feeling lonely in the wake of this break up, feeling at loose ends professionally without the stature and good money I used to have and being the low person on the totem pole in the new gig, and feeling unable to talk to friends about the extent of these feelings. They know I'm in a period of transition, but not how lost and left behind by the world that I feel. Now I must try to regain hope about my life and stop looking behind at my past glories and love. If anyone can relate to this and has any insights to share, I would be interested in your stories. Thanks for letting me share.