where do I belong? It is perhaps no secret that I am having very real problems with increased pain over the last few months. (chronic pain) It seems the pain keeps climbing. Then there is something that happened in my brain about getting disability. It's the cement on the knowing that a phase in my life has past. (survivors of abuse) Then there is the knowing that my dear friend Jane (grief) is the one that even opened the door for me to have a bit of normal working life to use my knowing pain and suffering to help others. So I worked and made a difference but it cost me a lot more inside. I knew all of the debth of the human experience before I was old enough to speak of such things. I touched angels and evil and true beauty. was allowed to know all of these things too early.

So I lived and worked my life and I crashed and burned to the ground. My body, for lack of better understanding I can only say my body felt all of this too. and so I live with such crippling pain with odd labels that don't fit together. But they must fit together for the people who gave me the decision of disability. But what of the pain that keeps me up? That makes me sleep to much? I am going to the Doc Thurs a.m. and will try to bring T or a friend. If it doesn't work with Doc I will interview another. But he is known as one of the best. Is it just my head? My head that makes it so I can't hear him and he can't hear me? So many questions and you see I could not chop them up and throw them into different forums.