All,
I am (hoping to change that to "was") an emotional abuser. Prolonged anger, ignoring, silent treatment, guilting, manipulating. Just belittling in general. I did this to multiple people that I am close to. My wife, whom I have always loved dearly, took the brunt of it for years and more so in past months. I told her in November after an argument about parenting our teen daughter that I didn't love her and told her to leave me alone. She listened faithfully, as abused wives do, since then. I've been in a strong dislike with myself for years and as it came to a head one sleepless night on the couch I had what I can only call an epiphany. Realising that all my problems (and my family's) were indeed MY problems. I realised how I push people away **** hurt them. In a way it felt good to think that I have a say in my bad relationships. I can "not be an a-hole" if I want. I was also grief stricken at the thought of what my strong beautiful wife has gone through at my hand. If another man treated her that way I'd probably kill him. I jumped up I woke her up in tears and apologized. I promised change. I outlined how I would make the change. In her sleep, and shock induced stuper she made it clear she's been so free and happy without me. Could I blame her? I do love her and feel like I can give her what a wonderful wife deserves. Of course she doesn't believe that for a second. I however am all consumed with the idea of "making it up to her". And I believe I can, except she won't let me near her. I try to talk, I made breakfast, ask about her day, compliment her, try to support her decisions. All of which upset her greatly. She has referred to me as repulsive and demanded I take off my wedding ring. What can I do to be the man she wants/deserves? And how do I show her that I love her unconditionally and without judgement?