Hey everyone, I have bipolar type 2 with dysthymia. I'm mostly grumpy, I can get super angry at the drop of a hat, and I project on to people all the time. I make people uncomfortable becaise I'm not happy and chatty. As far as I can tell I'm a Highly Sensitive person, and I've been told I have OCD, GAD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and one MD I have no respect for said I have signs of Schizotypal disorder.
I've seen councelors off and on since I was 15. None of them have had any lasting efficacy. I'm now 42, married with 2 amazing little girls. I've taken all kinds of different meds and I like to think I'm on a working concoction right now but that opion will change depending on all sorts of external conditions.
I'm an @$$hole and I REALLY REALLY need to get better so I can provide for my family. I am super depressed right now. I don't get along with people. I find any reason to not like someone and distance myself from them. I am constantly judging people. I know that subconsciously it makes me feel better for a little bit. I know I have toxic shame also. I often hate myself, and I have a constant nagging that I'm just a piece of shite.
I almost got fired from my job last week. I really wouldn't have minded because I really hate my boss and coworkers and the culture and that corporate hell hole. I can't find another job in the same field. I actually got an informal interview for a job much closer to home, but because of all my issues, including anxiety, from what I remember of the meeting I think I borked it.
So I'm going to have to go back to my old line of work, making ALOT less money, and my wife will have to go back to work full time, and our 2 kids will have to go to school instead of homeschool.
I know there are so many people that have it worse than me, but in the moment that doesn't phase me at all. My life SUCKS right now. I don't know how things are going to get better. The only thing that really does help me feel better for a while is to write walls of text like this.
I'm probably going to find a councelor again. It just sucks because it never amounts to much and I feel like I'm wasting my money. How do you people cope?