You've taken the first step. Embracing your condition, IMO, is important. Fighting it doesn't work because MI isn't curable, only managed. For years, I was in denial. "This is who I am", I used to say. I was tough to live with and things were eating me up. Second step is to see someone - get an official diagnosis and get on the books. This way, you're eligible for medication, treatment, and such. Third is to take it upon yourself to follow a program - self management is the toughest step. Consider mindfulness, diet, exercise, and good sleep habits - the stuff that sort of keeps us "centered" if you will. Look for a good mixture of peace. For me, the challenge is finding the time, staying disciplined when things are good (I get lazy), and remembering to practice good habits. Other things that might help - no alcohol, avoiding stressful situations, and finding a hobby that makes you feel good. I quit drinking because that was part of my problem but other people might not believe it is a concern. I picked up mountain climbing at age 50 and it helps me tremendously. It also helps to have a supportive significant other that understands your issue and gives you the space to get better.....I disappear on a lot of Sundays and don't come back home until 4:00 because I'm climbing a mountain 2 or 3 hours away.

Anyway, good luck. And, for the record, you had referenced yourself as being an a-hole. Hey, get in line buddy!