OK... so I'm the one with depression anxiety and chronic pain. But, I feel like such a burden to my boyfriend. He does all he can to help me (and we're in a long distance relationship too), but I know it's a big strain to him when he tries to help (because I don't have friends anymore, so all my thoughts... happy, sad, suicidal go to him).
I can't expect him to do much for me, he can't at such a distance. But a lot of the time I just feel guilty to put him through all this and wonder if he'll be better without me (I know I wouldn't it'd kill me).
But then other times I feel really angry at him and don't feel love from him at all... because the times when I'm most depressed he ignores my texts and calls when I really need someone to talk to. I asked him why and he said it scares him... I don't want to upset him, but I'm really scared when I have certain thoughts and do certain actions. He says he's there for me and I KNOW he cant do much... but a phone call would be nice when I'm at my worst, I love listening to his voice and him talking jibberish.

I REALLY love him, I've never loved anyone so much... I just feel at a loss... what's best for him? or me?

oh i dont know i guess I'm just not very happy at the moment, I'm not very happy most of the time
argh I'm ranting... it's not really a big problem I guess but it eats into my thoughts all the time

thanks for giving me chance to get my thoughts out, I doubt if half of it even makes sense

molly