Confused though I am, I recognise wisdom when I am presented with it. Thank you. I'm not valuing my own life at all . . . and there will be consequences to that. I believe that, the older I am when he passes on, the harder it will be to put together a life for myself that doesn't revolve around him. I'm not young and his needs have already consumed 6 years of my life with him as the focal point. Yesterday I was thinking that it may already be too late. And I've become so lazy.

This seems a cruel fate for me, but I recognize I'm doing this to myself. Right now the attendant is here, so I 'm staying in bed. (The apartment only has two rooms.)

I was awake till 5:30 a.m. this morning . . . then up at 8 a.m. to check on him. Now I want to sleep. But I just keep staring at my device, reading and watching videos. He needs a shower and a shave, 6so those are next on my "to do" list. The attendant can't seem to cope with those tasks.

I'm not as depressed as yesterday. I don't feel as much in crisis. I'm going to try and sleep . . . which I know is partly escapism.