I remember how much pressure your mom and sis were putting on you in your own home, based on what you related. To me they sounded way out of line and your guy was justifiably resentful. You indicated this was a pattern with them. Then you rationalized that they "only want what is best" for you. That's what I mean. You really go the extra mile to appreciate their viewpoint. Read what I wrote in that thread. You seemed to be very uncomfortable with backing them off, which means it's hard for you to maintain appropriate boundaries and get those boundaries respected - at least with your family. Now you are very sympathetic to your guy's claim of being chronically, severely depressed and believing he couldn't possibly cope with fatherhood. You are very generous in seeing all of their points of view - a bit overly generous perhaps.

This young man didn't pick you out of the crowd randomly. You're probably not the first person he dated. He could have moved on after dating you, but he didn't. He knows what he wants in a mate, and you've got it! Now what would that be? You sound like a good catch: young, nice, caring, intelligent. I'm sure he appreciates all of that. But you also have a track record of letting others try to set your agenda for you - at least that's how you described the family situation. He noticed that all right. I also thought he sounded like a healthy influence encouraging you to be more emancipated from Mom & Sis. Now I see where he where he might be attracted to a woman who puts his agenda ahead of her own. I think you mentioned somewhere that he can get a bit sullen when he's not happy with what's going on. That sulleness - if it exists - is the hallmark of a person who can be pretty stubborn about getting their own way. Beware of a man who's inclined to sulk. I grew up with a father like that (and I'm a bit like that, myself.) That is a technique of pressuring that works particularly well in a relationship with a woman who likes to please.

You have so much compassion for his depression and all the childhood sorrows that have fed into it. Watch out: Depressives can be like drunks. Each has a disease they didn't ask for. But, if you cater too much to either of them, they never learn to "manage" their disease. Don't be an enabler.

Your boyfriend gas a right to his own agenda - if it is healthy . . . if it makes some kind of sense. You have a right to critique that agenda and see if everything in it is what you want to promote. When we were still both real young, my brother told me, "I don't ever want any kids because they just drain a man of all his money." (He always heard our father whining about how hard it was to support a family.) Then my brother ended relationships with a series of girlfriends who wanted kids. Now my brother lives an absolutely miserable, barren life. He made darn sure no young woman trapped him into something he was looking to avoid. I wish one of them had. He was pursuing a stupid agenda, and he got what he wanted - no big responsibilities. His life sucks. And he's chronically dealing with mental health issues that he sees coming from his "unbalanced brain." I think his brain was basically okay. But his thinking sure wasn't. Your boyfriend is not my brother. But I sense there is something unhealthy in his not wanting what it is normal to want. I link that to him being "severely depressed" on an on-going basis, which I think gets to be a form of self-indulgence. As with drunks: AA tells its members that they may always be alcoholic, but they don't have to keep drinking.

I think your guy is wanting a set-up where he will always be your - and his - main priority . . . with no pesky kid around soaking up any of your, or his, attention. And you, sweet thing that you are, can totally see where maybe that's just the way he really needs to live. I think you're being had.