Things are fine at home.

To clarify, I don't want to be free of anyone, including you. I want to be free of my dark thoughts. I want to be free of the emotions that engulf me. I want to be free of depersonalization/derealization.

Are you sure I'm not psychotic? I know you said it was shame, but could it possibly be paranoia? I'm kind of afraid. It's scary. But I am trying to tolerate this and push through.