Over the past 3 years I’ve probably had 20 jobs. They’ve mostly been dead end low level jobs. I just can’t even make myself show up anymore.

I was supposed to start today at a Walmart Distribution center. I was supposed to be there at 7:45 AM. I woke up at 11:30 last night and couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s always this way when I start a job, my anxiety goes off the charts.

I drove up to the job this morning....sat in the parking lot and just couldn’t do it. I turned around and drove home.

The depression and anxiety I feel is just unbearable. It’s hurting me physically at this point. My head hurts....im tired all the time.....I feel like my clothes are made of lead. Everything seems so impossible or hopeless.

I’m not lazy. I’m not dumb. In the past I’ve always been one of the best workers at my job. I’ve always had issues with depression and anxiety but usually I could control it. But over the last 3 years anxiety and depression are just killing me. I keep waiting for these feelings to subside or at least diminish but they don’t....it’s been about three years of just hell.

I really don’t know what to do at this point. I’m basically bankrupt. I’m behind on my rent. I’m throwing everything I own on EBay to pay bills.

I just don’t know what to do.