Everything we do has a purpose, and we don't do this to hurt the people who love us. If you can figure out how SI helps you, you might be able to find other ways to get your needs met. But it almost always takes help to do that. It takes a lot of support. Change is scary, and there are pretty powerful reasons that create the need to cope this way. If you could just stop, just like that, don't you think you would have done that already?