That big, deep, gaping hole in my core... the one that leaves me gasping to breathe... it's back (not that it ever really goes away, I guess).

I want to call you, but if you answered the phone I don't know what I would say. I don't know what I want from you, what you (or anyone) could do.

I got the impression in our last session that you don't want me to call when I feel like this, lest I become "too dependent" on you. I understand. If there's one thing life has taught me it is don't depend on anyone, ever.

So don't worry, I won't call... but man, it's hard to breathe.