Hi all. I miss everyone of you.

Jan I am glad Belle is doing better and to answer your question about pain meds I do get some. They have cut me down about 6 months ago and are going to cut me down even more. I used to take a muscle relaxer at night but my pain med + muscle relaxer + seizure meds can not be taken together. Why I don't know I have been taking that combo for 10 years. My doc has tried me on other muscle relaxers but nothing works or it makes me sick. Now our insurance will not cover my seizure meds and my pain meds they don't like that combo so I now have to pay cash for my seizure meds.

I get that people abused them and way to many doctors gave out pain meds when OTC stuff might have worked but the people that really need it can't get it. My SED rate is 85 normal used to be 0-10 now it's 0-20 this measures the inflammation in your body. They can't get mine down. Plus pain also makes your BP go up.

Speaking of BP mine has been way to high plus they found a major issue with my heart. My uncle passed away and the following week his wife had to have open heart surgery. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer and it's also in her liver. My brother in law who finished his cancer treatment last summer has only gotten sicker and it's not from the cancer. According to his doctors he no longer has cancer. He also can no longer eat or drink anything. He weighs about 100 lbs if that he can barely talk and has a feeding tube up his nose and down his throat that's the only way to get him nurshiment for right now. He hasn't drank or eaten anything in over a month.

Every inch of me hurts and with everything else going on I honestly don't want to leave my bed most days

I have been thinking about all of you but I have just been so negative lately that I didn't want to bring anyone down. Oh some of you already know my daughter is in an abusive relationship. One night he chocked her dog then her. She hit him to get away and came to my house. That was last November well he called the cops and is pressing charges. She found out last week. I have pictures of the wall he put her head through and her head. I have called the police lots of times but his mom and him beg her not to press charges and now she's in the hot seat. She goes to court on the 19th wish us luck or if you pray please pray I think I will find that hole to crawl into now

Sending hugs and positive vibes to all of you I miss you guys so much.