Just updating here....I went to bed last night, totally exhausted and beat down.

Less than 2 hours later, I woke up, and felt AMAZING!

I did get up, I thought about staying up (bad idea), instead I took a little bit of seroquel and valium prn. I did go back to bed and got another 6 hours.

How the 'F' can things flip like that? I want to blame meds for it sometimes. Definitely have bipolar, but sometimes think the 'cure' is worse than the disease.

To note...the day before yesterday, I was hypomanic as 'F'. Felt so good. i woke up that way. Everything was easy and perfect. My body was humming at perfect frequency (yes, I believe we have a vibrational frequency). Then, yesterday morning, I woke up like someone had pulled most of my brain out and was running on fumes. Empty, blank, slow, void, my eyes looked bad, my affect was zero.

Cycling is so ****ed up.

Pardon language.

Just glad to feel like a human again without a glass cage around me.

Hopefully I can be and stay level today and going forward.

It always comes back though....

Would it still without meds? Probably, and I'd probably have prolonged episodes. But sometimes I want to just say F it, let's see. Let's see how I do for a 6 month period of no meds. If I can navigate thru life.

If 'this' is as good as it gets being on meds, I want off. Again, I've not had a prolonged episode in quite awhile. But rapid cycling stuff, for a week sometimes just a few days, or so, and then some amount of normalcy.

I did have some SI a couple nights ago, kinda out of nowhere, I don't think I have in a long time. It was during the hypo day. It's this energy connection thing. That my body is irrelevant and inside wants out. It passed and wasn't big deal, just noting.

Rambling now....hope all have a good day.