I always have wanted more, but time is running out. That and i would have to make it look like an accidental pregnancy because my mom doesn't think i should have any more. My doctors say i am high risk. I always was high risk just because of family history and weight. So now even more so.

But honestly i don't want to prevent it anymore, too much damage to my body doing so. Even the guys I have seen want kids with me, and i figure if it's God's will i will have more, if not i'll survive. But the problem is with thinking i might be when it turns out i am not. Phathom pregnancy, that sucks.

Right now it will be 6 months before i even meet the military guy, unless he takes a leave. But i told him i would wait for him, he's a good catch and planning to retire from the military. Today I asked him how he feels about raising kids in retirement, he does have a 9 year old. I will see what he says.