the message T left for me the past friday was the most powerful thing i have ever had... like ever. No one has EVER touched me that deeply. It's heart breaking and wonderful all at once. i wanted to cry. i feel like i have been buried alive and someone finally heard me crying for help. yeah, it was that powerful to me.

trouble is.. i don't know that there could ever be anything we could do that would top that... not that therapy has to be a constant upward linear progression or anything.. but i feel like maybe i hit the high note with him and now it will all feel anticlimatic...

i am curious, from those with long term experience especially... can that place be reached again? Is it repeatable?

i feel like it needs to be... i know i will crave that feeling because it is so very powerful, and i know that i need to learn to taper that and give myself what i need... but during the process.. while i learn to crawl, stand and maybe someday walk.. will i ever be able to feel like strong of a connection?

i finally feel like he's on my side.. like he got it in such a deep way... i feel like he cares about what i went through and will go through soon... i feel understood. i have never felt this before and i am tentative about it. i am afraid to blink because something might ruin it...

today's session was good.. nothing fantastic though.. i feel so awkward and shy and stupid.. like i go blank as soon as i walk in the door... i'm on new ground, very uncertain.. i don't know what to do.. i feel like i need to be doing something and i dont know what..