I'm sorry you had to hear such cruel words.

I remember when my ex-husband surprised me with the news that he wanted a divorce - felt like it came out of the blue. My first reaction was to beg for additional couples sessions with our T, then I found a letter he had already faxed to his parents. He had just left it sitting out, for some reason assuming that I wouldn't be able to read it (or so he said) because it was in Italian (despite the fact that I studied Italian, French, Latin, Spanish for over 12 years). In it, he said "... sometimes, I find myself hating her". Well, he didn't need to say THAT twice - I would never stay with someone who felt that way about me.

At the same time, it made me really reexamine my own participation in a relationship. Was I really despicable to someone I loved? Was it his issue, or had I brought it on myself?

What I decided is that I can't control his issues, but I could do my best to live with integrity, and that meant controlling my behavior to the very best of my abilities. I try to be someone who can look myself in the mirror every single day and know that I did the best job I could. So, my mission for myself, and my advice to you is to take responsibility for your own behavior, and to heck with the rest.

Wishing you peace - I am sure you are hurting right now