I came out to my family two years ago now.

It was, quite honestly, one of the more traumatic experiences in my life. It was my mother's birthday and I had listened to my school counselor's advice and decided: today was the day. Least to say, I was anxious the whole day leading to coming out and ended up having one of the worst panic attacks in my life. At that point, I didn't feel like I could even work up the strength or nerve to come out, but by then they had already noticed something was wrong with me. My mother and father cornered me and forced me to tell them what was going on when I finally managed to spout out, "I'm a boy". Absolutely terrified of their reactions... I think it's almost more disappointing when, instead of being outright against you and having a clear villainous figure to point to, they only eluded to their disappointment and disapproval. They then decided I needed to come out to the rest of the family gathered because... family? I don't even know. Even though I was clearly still unnerved by my panic attack, I had to repeat the process with all my family members packed into one room. Not a fun memory to think back on.

Anyway, my mother took the whole thing worst of all. She told me I was ungrateful when I expressed wishing to change my name. She told me that that was the name she had given me and that it would deeply hurt her if I was called otherwise. On top of that, they evaded all my requests and questions by stating, "Give it a year or two and see if you still feel the same way. We'll talk then."

So last year, on the one year anniversary, I attempted to breach the name topic once more with my mother. I figured it would be much easier to get a handle around than ever trying to convince her to let me go to counseling and get on T. Boy, was I wrong. She was furious with me; both her and my father told me that I dwelled too much on the issue. They told me I shouldn't think about it so much as it isn't "all that I am". I think the only thing worse was when my father claimed that I was merely too ashamed to be a lesbian, despite the fact that I am openly bisexual.

I don't know what to do and I feel like attempting to talk to either them again will only make things worse. Just thinking about having to wait until I'm a legal adult to change my name and start T and just be me is awful... How can they just expect me to just get over it? How can I make them understand? I feel like it does not matter, even if they knew just how much I suffer because I am stuck in this body and with this dead name. Does anyone have any advice?