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. I don’t believe this should be my everything as I want to Feel like a whole person. Of course I know I already will love my kids unconditionally and am excited for all the other aspects of parenting- milestones, teaching, watching kids grow into their own people. I’m really excited to teach them about the world around them. I’m excited to share all the things that make me happy like art and friendship and traveling with another human being. And If they don’t like these things I’m excited to help them explore things they do like. Ultimately I just feel that strong unexplainable internal instinct to have kids and I feel I already have a maternal instinct. I know I am not emotionally mature enough for children right now and never understand how so many of my peers are having kids when they are even less “mature” than I am.
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You have expressed some very important feelings here Olive, and you also say you don't feel you are mature enough yet to have a child, well, you are also not mature enough to make the decision "for your life" to never have a child too. That is really what is behind the title of your thread here.
You also need to experience making decisions for yourself too Olive, and that is something you have expressed a desire to do when it comes to your job and career. Your father is advising you and HIS advise may not be right for you too. It's understandable that you experience tension headaches because "other" people are pushing "their" opinions and agendas on you and you want to feel free to make your OWN decisions and that is also the age you are at too. I see a young woman who loves her father, loves her partner of 4 years too, but these two individuals are pushing her to decide things she is clearly NOT ready to decide and she wants them both to give her space to make decisions for herself.
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And If they don’t like these things I’m excited to help them explore things they do like.
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First you need to do this for your own inner child part Olive.