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LabRat27 · 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeekyOne

Relationships. Specifically how much I yearn for attention/affection/connection. I can sort of talk about it in the abstract, but getting into specifics like with specific people including/especially her? I just want to melt into the couch.

I don't bring up self harm unless she asks. SUI, oddly, is easier to talk about than SH.

The hardest part of therapy, for me, is staying with my emotions and not retreating to intellectual/academic analysis. Emoting in someone else's presence (who is not a canine) is very hard for me.

If it weren't for the fact that I'm more of a cat person I'd think we were the same person

Possible trigger:

I especially want to be swallowed up by the floor when talking about how I partly SH out of a desire for attention/affection/comfort (but then can't allow myself to receive it). I ended up explaining my constant craving by comparing it to Prader-Willi Syndrome, except instead of food it's attention/affection/comfort, and in addition to being the patient I also have to be my own caregiver and lock up the fridge and cupboards.
I probably need to talk to him about how his reactions to my SH affect me and what my thoughts about the subject are. But I don't think I could handle the mortification. Telling him that I specifically crave the attention of older male figures was awful enough. Fortunately he did not acknowledge the fact that he is an older male figure because otherwise I might have died right then and there.

A previous therapist kept pressuring me to emote in her presence, which of course made it impossible to do so. She kept trying to get me to let myself cry in her presence and was like "For therapy to work you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable" and I was like "Hmm, I think I'd rather try electroshock therapy instead then."
My current T mostly doesn't acknowledge it other than to be non-judgemental which helps me feel less self conscious, but I still find that I end up giving him my analysis and reflections upon my emotions and feelings far more than actually letting him see my emotions and feelings.