Sorry to bump my own thread, but I've also realized that I really hate the out of control feeling I feel when I start to attach to someone. The separation anxiety and obsessive behaviors tend to get worse. I have no idea how I've been in a romantic relationship this long without being broken up with because of these things.

I just have to face the fact that no matter how many friends or loved ones I have, it will never fill the huge black void inside of me so I'll always be empty and lonely no matter how many people are around me. It's painful and exhausting (to control bad impulses especially) to develop and maintain healthy relationships. It's too high of a risk too. Are my life and physical well being worth it to have friends? I'm already at such a high risk being in a relationship.

I do know I have attachment issues. My attachment style is very much anxious-avoidant which demands ALL the attention and love, but when I get it, I just want to be left alone.