No matter how bad my depression gets, it doesn’t seem to affect my work

I just feel like talking to the few people I trust for a few mins, lately I’ve lost a few friends because I was being needy. I’ve asked for forgiveness and I’ve given them some space. Friendships I’ve had are not one way, I’ve done what I can to help my friends.

My days are very long, my nights are brutal. I’m not lonely I just feel empty. I don’t want care or love. It’s so confusing to me.

My family isn’t very close to me, and my culture isn’t too sympathetic about depression. I’ve never seriously had suicidal thoughts.

Yes I am unhappy and depressed, but I’ve always been extremely grateful for the things I have

But I just can’t tell people why exactly I’m depressed, if I could best describe my self, I feel like a zombie on autopilot.

I may have reached out to people in my darkest time and made them uncomfortable or not, maybe I’m overthinking because of my legendary anxiety that everyone picks up on

Right now people know me as an emotional, caring person but also an awkward, thin weirdo who looks old for his age

I’m not spiritual or religious

I’m not good at taking care of myself but it seems that the only thing that gives me some happiness is helping people when they reach out to me because I’ve been in the dark for years now

I’m just rambling, pretty much sums up how confused I am when people ask me why