hi. i posted in here a little while ago about trying to figure out my sexual indentity. i had just excepted to myself that i have sexual feelings for men and told my wife about it. it wasn't going so good and that with a bunch of other stuff kinda made me snap for a little while and i stayed in the hospital for awhile. i wasn't sure if i was gay or straight or both and where the feelings were coming from.

i just got back and its really good to be home and i think i am beginning to figure some of this stuff out. my doctor told me that every thing i was thinking was tyed into the abuse that happened before and that i sociate sex with different kinds of feelings some good and some bad. she said that i feel like i have to make every one else happy and punish myself at the same time. and she said that i have to learn to be more in control and not let the memorys of my parents and the people who abused control what makes me happy in my life.

there's still a hole lot of stuff i'm not sure about but i am sure that i love my wife very much and want to be with her forever and i'm not gonna let the bad things that happened in my life make me question that or feel like i'm not good for her anymore. the more and more i talked about and thought about it in the hospital i don't think i could ever love a man the way that i love my wife and that those feelings are for sex only.

i just got back so were still taking it slow and there's a lot to talk about and figure out but it's a huge relieve to know that i don't have to lose her and the great life i got now and it's ok to love her and not feel guilty about it.