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Originally Posted by Kaysey
I’m similar to you. I have “friends “ from work, but nobody that I socialize with outside of work. It just seems like too much effort to have friends. I’m not one that likes to go out that much anyway and when I do, it’s with my partner.
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That's pretty much what it's like for me, but a lot of times (at least when my partner and I lived in the same city), he would want to go out in groups. I would know most of these people, but I wasn't particularly comfortable with them. So a lot of the time I'm just sitting there listening and feeling ignored and lonely. And he would like me to have people to talk to so he doesn't have to give me all his attention.
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Originally Posted by carcrashonrepeat
I have similar issues. My closest friends have mental and/or chronic illness like me, so we're very fortunate to have found one another because we all understand one another. If one of us is not up for being social, then we get it.
I tend to keep to myself now because the relationships I develop tend to end with me being involved in obsessive behavior or conforming to their personality as a form of attachment. I do it so easily that I don't know who I am as an individual.
It is alot of effort to socialize or make new friends, particularly when you're working on your own situation. You have to "be on," and it can be exhausting.
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I think I have a tendency to conform too as part of attachment. I've gotten accused of not knowing who I am or what I want out of relationships which apparently is a felony at my age (sarcasm, sort of).
The only person I'm sort of attaching to (at work) now is someone who relates to my sexuality and mental health issues.
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Originally Posted by muffin_stomper
I don't think so. I think there are a lot of people that prefer to engage with many different people, albeit to a lesser extent that a close friendship. I think this is almost an "extrovert-like" mentality. I think as long as there is equity when it comes to leaning on each other in your actual relationships, there won't be any risk to ruining the relationship. Also being honest about your concerns to your SO would be ideal (though I don't know your situation, so not trying to push advice as much as state my personal opinion).
I'm kind of in a similar place myself, in which I'm just really jaded with a lot of the relationships I have and they seem like a lot of work for not much fulfillment. I've taken to joining a bunch of clubs/meetups in my town... I will hopefully see if this does indeed subdue to the feeling of loneliness I've had.
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I'm only concerned because my partner seems disappointed and sad for me because I don't have friends like he has. He has tons of friends all over the country and world. He used to have a job that had him travel and work with people from many different countries. He simply doesn't understand not having friends. He also doesn't understand having little to no connection to family like I do. He had to witness how my parents treat me to understand why I don't like having a lot of contact with them.
I've tried meetup groups and other community organizations. Even groups that I should have things in common with on paper, I don't feel like my life experiences match. Maybe it's too hard to explain. I've dropped out of a lot of organizations because I didn't feel welcome or comfortable. One could argue it's just me, but I feel welcome and comfortable at the school I work at.
There aren't a lot of organizations that I would relate to in my town because it's relatively small (only 300,000 people give or take) and the culture is VERY rural so it's uncomfortable to be different in a relatively conservative place.
I've gone off and on to a group of people who relate to each other by their sexual orientation, but I don't feel like I belong there because my dating experience in the past and present is different than theirs and it frankly makes me feel inadequate. It was hard on my relationship because I felt like I wanted to start making unreasonable demands on it to be like the others.
I don't know, maybe it's hard to understand without more detail, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable giving more detail.