I am very depressed right now. I have nothing to be happy about, not even the so called good news about my art shows coming up. They will probably fail and I won't see any money this year or ever. My brother will become a great success, making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. I will continue to live on $600 a month on Social Security. If everything fails, I will kill myself. I can't live in pain and suffering all the time. My mom and brother are having surgery this Friday and I'm scared that something bad will happen to them. It is the lap band surgery. My pills are making me fat. I used to be a relatively healthy weight, but now I am 100 pounds overweight, which makes me obese. Oh, I hate using that word! I used to be the thin one in my family, but now I'm a no good fat person. The good news is this. For the last 2 days, I have kind of lost my appetite. I eat only about half as I usually do. I hope it gets "worse" maybe totally losing my appetite to lose the weight. I have a business. For the last 10 years it has made absolutely NOTHING! I just put a burden on the family by putting money into the crappy business. Everything I do it fails. I am a complete failure as a person and will never get married. My great and powerful brother will get a rich wife and I will probably get a bum. I have been having insomnia lately. I also have no energy. I am also very paranoid about the government like the CIA or FBI. They are accusing me of crimes that I know that I didn't commit. They tell me that they have the evidence. They planted it at the different crime scenes. They tell me this through thought insertion. I hate thought insertion. They also implanted me with a tracking device and something that sends my thoughts to them. If I have an "evil" thought they will use it against me. I am only a danger to my self and not to others so don't worry. I am having visions of going back to the mental hospital again. Also, always around birthdays I feel this way. My birthday is coming up on February 19th. Let's hope I survive until then. In October of last year I was manic and thought nothing could go wrong. I thought I was going to change the world with my art. I thought I would be famous and make millions of dollars. That was one grandiose delusion! So, what do I do?