whew thats alot of info there.....but it seems to me you are holding onto the past and not focusing on the present.

<font color="blue"> But after all this I'm still scared if he will ever show back up in my life again and if he ever did I wouldn't know how to handel it.</font>

IF?! Why are you worrying about something that you don't even know will happen? That is wasted time and energy. IF he bothers you, simply pick up the phone and call 911. Problem solved. But until that happens, you really need to put this away. It isn't doing you any good dwelling on the past or being anxious over non issues.