I think you see yourself torn between two unsatisfactory options. Either give up your hope of having children (or at least one child) or give up the man you have come to love very much. That kind of a choice would make anyone feel miserable, or even close to despair. I'm trying to point out a very possible third option.

Option #3: Keep the man and have a couple of kids.

Option #3 seems unattainable because you're in the habit of assuming that people know what they want, mean what they say and can't possibly be talked into a different way of looking at things. Your mom and sis have you well-trained. You are trained to think: "I must conform to what is wanted of me by someone else." and - because you respect the rights of others - "I must not jeopardize another person living out their dream."

If Mary Todd Lincoln thought like you, Abraham Lincoln would never have become president. She had to push him into it. (Abe was prone to depression and wasn't interested in being too ambitious.) This boyfriend of yours is a confused young man scared of life. He is exactly the sort of man who tends to be a poor judge of what possibilities life can hold. This has a lot to do with why he is chronically depressed - "severely." He contemplates all the chances of all that can go wrong in life. He's able to work on a doctoral degree because there's really nothing much wrong with his brain. But there's something wrong with his thinking. He needs a strong, clear-sighted woman who is unwilling to follow him down the road to an emotionally impoverished life. You need to stop following and start leading! I think you are a person with a healthier mind (than he has) who could steer this relationship in the direction of a richly satisfying life, if you would stop being the submissive one and take hold of the reins.

I'm not saying you should just defy him, but don't be ready to accept his terms so easily. Ask yourself if he is someone who would be irresponsible in the care of a child. Is he irresponsible in general? Does he pay his bills on time? Does he maintain his vehicle properly? My guess is that he would probably do just fine with fatherhood. Does he have a reasonable capacity for compassion? If he's a cold-hearted, irresponsible guy, then you don't want him for a husband. But, if he makes you feel well-loved, then he would probably do just fine with a child. I'm not saying "Force him." But lots of people have wound up being very successful at something they had to be kind of persuaded into doing. If your guy managed to be nice to your meddling mom and sis who don't like him, but he cooks them breakfast and chauffers them around, then I don't see him becoming miserable toward a child of his own. Yes, there are people who should never have kids. That would be people who are grossly immature, violent, substance abusing, irresponsible, cruel, can't hold down a job, are in terrible health and so on. It doesn't sound like he is anything like that. Maybe he isn't Mr. Rogers. Most dads aren't. I heard a saying once, "The most important thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother."

In the meantime, figure out how you will support yourself, if you do end up having to part with him. He wants you to resolve all the uncertainty - now - by saying you accept childlessness and won't ever hold it against him. Baloney! You are not at all ready to commit to that, so don't! He's just going to have to live with some uncertainty for a while. That's not what he wants, but too bad.

And stop saying he made this intent to remain childless clear right from the beginning. He did no such thing. He hemmed and he hawed. Well, now it's appropriate for you to hem and haw. You are way too quick to want to give others what they want. You were brought up to do that. You are so afraid of being "unfair" to him. So he won't have perfect peace of mind, not knowing what you'll ultimately do. That's okay. Your mind is very disturbed and without peace. He can handle a little suspence. Very often, people prone to depression are people who can't tolerate all their ducks not being in a nice, neat little row. Well, life is messy. Adapting to not being able to control everything is part of what it takes to mature out of chronic depression.