I want to avoid this thread but I figured it's one of those "running away from my problem" situations. So, I'm here and I'm still listening. I'll admit that it's gotten ridiculous though...this ain't no therapy session okay...this is my real life.

See, where I went wrong here was A. naming the thread the way I did because it belittled my situation, that was my attempt in humoring my problem. I tend to do that. B. putting my MySpace URL for people to see when in actuality it's not even appropriate for this type of setting. It needs to more of a private deal here.

I'm not dumb, I'm aware of what ya'll are saying. It's not as though I haven't been to therapy before or haven't attended one of those hardcore group session or those interventions were everybody sits around and tells you how much of a loser you are because your always high and drunk. Been there done that.

I know who I am.... I know what I've been through and I understand how my identity and my life, including my past, has molded me into the person I am today.

Before my husband there has been other serious relationships where I full heartily dedicated myself. This is not my first relationship with an older man.

Basically what it's come down to in my situation is focus...purely focus and sacrifice. One true way to understand is to be here, in my shoes and walking my steps. My focus is to be happy and to gain happiness however I have too. My kids are what is most important me.

This paraphrasing, "quoting" stuff ya'll do don't show the entire picture. I just wanted to say that....because it's true. The %#@&#! ya'll quote on me makes me look like some sex craving huzzy. All I wanted from the beginning is for my husband to love me and treat me like he once had. I feel I've worked hard for him but it's never enough.

I am NOT characterally diseased okay.

And I also do NOT substitute sex for love..I once had when I was a child but I know of the distinction now, believe me. Sex between husband and wife is a expression of love...I won't believe any other.