I was married to a man who abused me for 20 years. We divorced 3 weeks before the 21st wedding anniversary.

I was finally able to forgive him for his behaviors about 3 months ago. I sincerely wish him well. He hasn't changed, but I do wish him well.

Now, here's the problem. MOST of his abuse mental, emotional, sexual and so forth was year 14-20 of the marriage. I was literally a prisoner sometimes. That is not being dramatic, it is the facts. I lived in fear/terror for a long time. I could not go out alone w/o feeling I would have to pay for it in some way later. By going out, I mean to the grocery, big box store or even to work. The only place I could go was to church. And even then I had ritualistic behaviors to try to keep me safe. i.e. going into the second bathroom stall and praying. Always had to be the second.

Fast forward to today. I am married to a wonderful man. He is the love of my life and would never harm me in any way. He knows everything about the previous marriage. Everything I can remember. There are still flashbacks sometimes.

My now husband and I have been married almost 15 years. Saturday, I was in a small store and out of nowhere those trapped feelings came. I felt like I was way back in time. I kept reminding me this was not so and so, this was my love. He wouldn't harm me. I felt the cold feeling in my chest that signals a full blown panic attack. I have been on meds for them for a number of years. I just want to cry right now as I type this.

WHY would this happen? One person is nothing like the other. I told my husband about my feelings and he said "I am doing the best I can to show you that I love and cherish you. You are going to have to fix how you feel. I can't do it."

I don't have a counselor. They are few and far between where I live. The last one didn't take my insurance and cost $150/hr. I can't afford that.

Has anyone else here ever had anything like this happen?