Quote:
Originally Posted by rechu
That is terrible advice - basically marry him and then nag him? My ex did the nagging thing for some time at the end, it didn't have the desired effect. It just made it easier to recognize that he was never going to take my feelings, which I had made clear many times, seriously.
Rose76, you really seem to have a negative opinion of people that don't want kids (comments like emotionally impoverished life), probably projecting since you are unhappy with not having them. There are plenty of people that don't have children, are happy with that decision and live full lives.
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I'm not saying marry him first and
then nag him. I'm mainly saying "Do not give in to his demand, and let him figure out what to do next." He's being sly. He's trying to leave the ball in her court, so he can claim she did what she wanted. He is kind of banking on her being too in love to leave. (Which is how she sounds.) She can foil what I see as his game-playing by saying "I'm not giving up my dream of having a child . . . and I have no desire to leave." Let him be the one to walk out the door. (That's what a stand-up guy, sure of his life goals, would have done long before now.) I would advise any woman "Don't stay with a guy, if it seems like you care about his happiness more than he cares about yours."
To your other point: I do wonder about people who don't have what seem like "normal" interests and aspirations. I, personally, don't know any people who are childless, happy about it and living life fully. I have a link below to an article that says that more than half of people who choose not to have children end up regretting it.
Desire for Children Still Norm in U.S.
Theoretically, childlessness seems like it should be a viable option. And I totally endorse that people should do what they want, as I did. But I am suspicious of men who want wives, but want these wives to remain permanently childless. I am very suspicious of men like that. They do make a negative impression on me. I would be less unfavorably impressed, if the reluctance were on the part of the woman.
My suspicion is that a healthy, young man who wants a childless marriage is probably immature, or stingy, or stupid or self-centered, or doesn't want to be too tied to a woman he might get tired of. I am very slow to believe that the reasons people give you for why they want or don't want something (of this magnitude in importance) are actually the real reasons. It may be what they believe and want to believe . . . and want others to believe . . . but I say: Look a little deeper.
I also think there is something disingenuous about a guy who induces a woman to fall in love with him, initially saying he's
not sure about kids (and might be willing to adopt), and then, after she is deeply invested in him, says he is 100% not interested in having kids. A guy pursuing a doctoral degree is a guy who does a lot of thinking. This guy strikes me as being a bit on the sneaky side.