I think what matters is what it "felt" like to you. That's where the damage occurs. If it felt like abuse, that's what you're dealing with, those feelings.

The facts are really secondary and basically used in placement way after the feelings have been dealt with, or was in my case.

For instance, I look back as an adult and know my brother probably wasn't going to kill me (well, that's still debatable). As that child, I knew no such thing. Knowing that he would and that it was only a matter of time is what cause horrible damage for me. Children can't process as adults can.

So yes, if it felt that you had no control in what was going on, it was abuse...whether or not it's legally called that. That abuse has stayed with you and what now has to be dealt with.

I learned this in therapy when my feelings about childhood abuse didn't match my intellectual understanding of today. My feelings were very childlike in many ways with this and memories were skewed by those feelings. Then my intellectual mind would get involved and say it wasn't accurate, stop it, etc. It was horrible.

The bottom line was that those feelings that experienced so much pain, hurt and degradation needed to be addressed due to the abuse suffered.

I wish you well, hon. It sounds to me like it felt like abuse, and no matter what another would call it, it's that abuse you are dealing with.

Be safe,

KD