I get it. I have bipolar II and depression is my predominant state. No matter how well I get the depression is there, lurking, waiting to get stronger.

I get angry and upset to the point of intense crying fits thinking about how I don't want to be alive and how unfair it is that people who want to live die while people like me who don't want to be alive have to live.

Depression is not easy at all. Be patient with yourself and stick to your self care regimine even if you don't feel like it. If all you can do during the day is get out of bed and get dressed, consider it an accomplishment. One thing at a time.

One thing that helps me is to engage in a leisure activity. Think about something that you enjoy doing and do it, whether you feel like it or not. It might help.

Hang in there.