I’ve been checking my email every three minutes for the past two days-I feel like I’m going insane. No news better than bad news? I don’t know, I feel pretty stupid either way. I haven’t been this anxious since university and I feel like my entire body is fighting a war. I can’t quieten it down and I’m honestly starting to wonder if there’s any point in trying so f%#king hard to be ok. I don’t really know what to do—next session seems like ages away and right now I’m trying not to break down at work or do something stupid. I don’t know if I’m internalising you or obsessing—either way I am terrified of losing you and the possibility looms over me heavily. I can’t breathe. Everything is hectic and I am hectic and I’m really losing hope in a future that’s not s%#t. What’s the point if everyone around me either leaves or dies? I’m tired.