Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
Update:
He wrote back and replied to my email. I saw the first few words, I could tell it was going to be super nasty, so I DELETED it without reading it.
I am SO proud of myself for doing this.
In the past, with each toxic relationship, I have engaged in their toxic, negative communication styles and I've fought back, defended myself and also went on the attack against their abuse towards me. I stooped to their level, each and every time.
This time, I did it differently and I deliberately CHOSE NOT TO ENGAGE.
This has done wonders for my mental health!!!
I feel empowered. I feel strengthened. I have chosen positive mental health and self-care, vs. negative behavior. This is a BIG step for me.
Previously, through all toxic relationships, their poor treatment of me stuck around for a very long time. Now, I can rinse myself of him, of his toxic ways and not engage in it... I can skip happily away, with my self-esteem in tact.
I feel I have really come a long way. This is a turning point for me in life.
Although, I have now had several nightmares since of being attacked. I know it relates to his email.
This morning I did an energy cleanse, and it's working. I lit a white candle, I burned some incense, I put on ocean waves in the background and asked the universe to take away the negative, toxic energy from me. And I do feel lighter, better... weird, but effective.
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Often THIS is the true closure a person needs to experience. It's being able to vent grievances, and coming to the realization that the other person is not actually capable of or mature enough of being able to LISTEN and CARE the way you needed, wanted, hoped for and tried to invest in creating in that other individual. Also, your closure is finally no longer allowing this other person to have the power over you that is TOXIC for you too. It IS important to see "your" part in how this dysfunctional relationship lasted as long as it did as well. Recently, in this thread you were triggered and talked about how you have a right to your "feelings". While triggers are difficult, often these triggers can become a sort of "revelation" about "self" that needs to surface too.
Also, golden_eye, this man that you invested so much time in did NOT want to feel his feelings so he turned to the alcohol and that became something he became addicted to, his go to instead of growing up. He probably had a few drinks before he emailed you back, that way he could be ok with not actually "feeling" and dumping the problem on you in some way.
You have been spending a lot of time growing and learning, asking questions about "how to feel when it comes to facing others that can be selfish". In that you have been "growing and gaining" in understanding toxic behaviors in others and what that means and how to see the red flags you need to identify so you don't end up in yet another toxic relationship. The closure you got with this experience isn't what you thought, yet, the delay of getting a response actually gave you time to sit and think about it and then you finally got to that point where you realize the response itself was not the closure, it's you finally realizing for yourself that YOU needed to be the one to say, "nope, there is nothing there in that email that will mean closure, instead I have found that in "myself" for a change.
