So I saw my t. I was ready to just lay down and die. I said as much. She suggested giving my meds to my mom. I of course said no, yada yada, I’m sure most of you know why at this point so I’m not going to rehash. My t asked me if my plan was to just wait until I was committed. That scared me. She’s never said anything like that before. It sounded as if she was implying she would commit me if need be. So I said no no no of course not and that if I got worse (only way to get worse right now is dip into psychosis) I would certainly give my meds to my mom. So we scheduled a second session for tomorrow and I am seeing pdoc today at seven.

So on the drive home I became increasingly agitated. I am pissed as hell because I can’t tell my mom anything without her freaking out. So I decided **** her. I’ll tell her exactly wtf is going on and she can suck it if she doesn’t like it. So when I got home I told her I’m going to see my pdoc at 7pm and that I am not doing well. I go to the bathroom and to get changed - three minutes tops - and I come back out, and she’s ****ing GONE. Disappeared upstairs LIKE SHE HAS DONE TO ME MY ENTIRE ****ING LIFE. Like you don’t even care? You don’t even want to find out what’s going on? WHAT. THE. ****. I ****ing hate her sometimes I really do.

Now I’m even more agitated because of HER and because NV hasn’t texted me back not once today. Last time it was because his phone wasn’t working right so maybe that’s it today but I don’t know. But I’m ****ing pissed. And if I end up IP tonight my motger’s Gonna have some ****ing hell to pay!!!!