Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I agree with rose. Nothing wrong with not wanting children. But to keep telling woman he might want kids or actually wants kids and when she moves out of state to live with him and then ambushes her is a bit strange.
Just a year ago he said he wanted kids and the issue at the time was his anger and bad temper. Now in a year he doesn’t have anger issues (?) but 100% doesn’t want kids. I don’t know if he is sneaky but it would be much more honorable to address it a year ago before olive moved.
I am also a bit unclear why you, olive, were surprised with proposal? So after 4 years together and cohabitation you never expected him to propose? Where did you think this relationship was going when you left your job and state and moved in with him? So the whole thing is confusing. Seems like you or both of you did not think it through
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I detailed our history with wanting kids and taking about it in my reply to rose.
Like I said he told me he didn’t want kids within the first few months of dating. For my sake he said he would do it to keep me (which was true a year ago) but ultimatly he realized he could not. Especially bringing an unwanted child into the world. He didn’t ambush me after I moved, it was a year after I moved that he realized he couldn’t do it. We have been addressing this over the course of our relationship and talked extensively about it before I moved.
As far as the temper goes I always knew he was touchy- this wasn’t sudden after I moved. After I moved my mom and sister visited and he doesn’t get along with my mom since she’s racist against him and when they visited they literally made fun of him to his face while he tried to cook them dinner drive them around and make sure they were comfortable. So his temper showed it’s ugly head around them and my family freaked out and begged me to move back home. In front of them was the worst fight we’ve ever had in our 4 years. That situation lead to my original post.
I thought my move through very much and I did always see a future with him. I did expect him to propose eventually but not at this moment. We always talked about waiting until he was done with school. He is a broke student so it didn’t seem like right timing. I spent the last several months wanting a change in career choice and focusing my energy on exploring other options. I’ve been spending more energy on my immediate future of a career than my farther future of possible children. I figured the career would help inform my decision to be a monther. We talked about me going back to school so I assumed we wouldn’t talk marriage until after that. I was surprised by the timing. Just because we have been together for 4 years does not mean the timing is right for marriage. And moving is a form of commitment to him that I was willing to make. Even at this moment I still don’t regret it and I never will.
Sure I moved without being married to him but that does not mean we were not willing to commit to each other. We always talked about future, growing old together, kids, where we would live, how we want our lives to look. We were taking it one step at a time. I am at that age where there are a lot of moving parts in my life and I wanted to get everything in line before committing to something for life. If anything it’s a much more thoughtful decision because you may build a career, a life, and realize that person no longer fits into it.