I know it’ll get better one day, I’m just afraid of what might happen while waiting for that day. But I’m ok for now. I texted my therapist and she called me as soon as she got it. She made me promise I would be safe, and I am. even though I just counted out my Ativan. I just know my son would find me and I know what that’s like and I refuse to do that to him.

I just wish I could eat and sleep normally again. I’m so hungry and so tired but food nauseated me and sleep escapes me.

I talked to NV briefly on the phone but I was too scared to tell him everything. I feel like I’m just annoying him and that he’s not as interested in me as he was, but keeps me around for some reason. If I look at his actions that’s not the case but if I look at his words that’s kinda the case. And it’s kinda the case that depression would cloud my judgement. I have no idea.