I barely have any energy while I'm typing this. Just woke up from a 5 hour nap and missed a 3 hour class. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

After I struggled to somehow finish high school, when my bipolar symptoms started manifesting, I took a gap year. I was able to develop my illustrations and comics and land a few jobs in the industry, which was great.

Once the year was over, I applied to a programming school and miraculously got in. I kept doing comics even though work hours were very demanding (they "suggested" we stay in the labs 13h a day). After about a year and a half/two years I had to leave because I just couldn't manage anymore. I was starting to get more depressed than manic. That meant another year of working until I applied to an American art school and left to go there.

I've been here for three years now; had to take a medical leave in 2016/2017 with several hospitalizations. I was pretty much manic throughout all of freshman year, so classes felt easy and I was really all over the place to be honest. Then I started drinking with prescription drugs and my mania got worse. I was often putting myself in danger. A friend decided to take me to the hospital after the school year had ended because I was apparently speaking incoherently etc...

Now I'm a sophomore and made it through the 2017 Fall semester. All I have to do is somehow finish 2018 Spring. I finished Fall because I also self-injure quite a bit and that's how a got through it. At the end of I had suicidal plans and was nearly hospitalized by the school.

I'm tired of resorting to suicide, and my self-harm gets worse every time I face pressure (it's like a compulsion that's really difficult to stop).

Ideally, I'd love to focus on my comics while keeping my day job. Going to conventions and hopefully publishing. I could also try and join a program and get more therapy. But, that would mean not having a degree.

My question is, is it all worth it? Finishing the next two years of school sounds like a nightmare. I just don't know how to beat the pain that comes with it...

Have any of you had similar experiences or opinions on the subject?

I feel so stuck and don't know where to go.