The times I expressed distrust or anger at him, I usually had what amounted to a panic attack, complete with mild heart attack symptoms. Last time this happened I remember shaking my hands out because my fingers were all tingling and buzzing. I said the things anyway, but it was awful.

I did have a lot of trouble saying one thing involving sex, which I had to type on my phone and hand to him. I think that was difficult because I was really connected with my teenage self at the time, as that was the time in my life we were talking about. I didn't have any trouble mentioning the same thing later on, because I think I was in a more adult frame of mind, and it seemed like no big deal.