I would definately think talking about it with T could help.

I've always liked the Buffalo Springfield line in the song, For What It's Worth, that says, "Nobody's right if everybody's wrong." Sometimes I swap "belief systems" and arbitrarily decide I've got it wrong and the other point-of-view or way things are has the right of it. Just imagining it and trying to get into that mindset, which I've declared my own, often tells me something I didn't realize before.

I'm glad you caught yourself before you sent the email. Can you remember any specific incidents in your past where talking behind your back and others with secrets were an issue? For me, something like that would be teachers/school and my parents. Too, my father signed a note saying he'd pay my rent for me at my first apartment if I didn't and I didn't learn anything about that until I moved 13 years later. Do you have any strong memories of people working behind your back like that? Having things out in the open doesn't initially stop the triggering for me but does help me keep from compounding it. Realizing I'm working as hard as I can on my end of the problem gives me a measure of self pride and reminds me to keep my heart and mind working on my stuff.