Okay, so he didn't want kids, doesn't want kids and probably won't ever want kids. And he was straight with you all along. Okay, that's where he stands.

You moved in with him, knowing that this might become an issue. Moving in with someone is a huge step. I believe that living with someone on a trial basis is dangerous emotionally. It's like taking a dog home from the animal shelter and thinking, "I'll keep the dog for a while and return it, if I get disappointed in how things turn out." That may, in fact, be necessary, but it's a heartbreaking thing to go through. Now you know. There is no good way forward.

Everything in life has a price. I believe you are in for some serious emotional pain, whether you stay or whether you leave. The moral of this story is: Don't live with a man just to see what it's like, thinking, "Well, I can always leave, if it doesn't work out." Yes, you can . . . but there's a price. Now you know.

I'm not moralizing, and I have nothing against pre-marital sex. But I am very against pre-marital living together. I think it's a foolish thing to get into. Your dilemma illustrates why. Here's another reason why: Suppose he gets in a highway accident tomorrow and wakes up in the hospital emergency room paralyzed from the neck down. Would you feel free to leave him? You could. Even, if you were married you could. But the whole idea of marriage is that two people make a solemn commitment to care for each other, not knowing what the future will bring. To blend your life with another person's life to the extent that you have created a home together makes it very emotionally tough to just "walk." That's how it should be. That's what creates the glue that holds couples and families together and promotes social stability. You and your guy have allowed the glue to form, without having made the commitment to each other. Result: a sticky situation. Everything has a price.

There was a time when social convention and long-established custom prevented young people from getting into this kind of difficulty. That's why those social conventions were invented. Now we have all this marvelous freedom to do what we feel like doing. Freedom isn't free.

There are some wonderful men out there - who want children - who you could fall head-over-heels in love with. But there is no guarantee that you will meet one of them. After 4 years of closeness, it's likely you will carry a torch for this guy, if you leave him. The hope that he would miss you and want you back and agree to fatherhood holds out a possible way forward, but I wouldn't count on it. If you pack up and move across state lines back in with your parents, it's very likely that he will also look at that as a kind of divorce. The bond may be weakened beyond recreating it again.

I believe you that this guy does love you. It's very hard to walk away from a situation where you feel loved, especially when you've never lived alone and don't really relish the prospect of living back with your folks. I also think that you are never going to feel okay with not having a child. If you stay with him and remain childless, you will not find that the rewards of "traveling" compensate all that much. You already don't sound too enthused about how pursuing a "career" has worked out. For most people, their career is a job that they do because they need the money. It's not fun and exciting. It's something you put up with because doing so beats being broke.

I think young people of your generation have been talked into believing a lot of baloney about how great life is supposed to be. How we're here to live out our dreams and have lives that are supposed to be "awesome." Then reality sets in, and it can be pretty tedious. Whichever way you decide, "exploring the possibilities" and "discovering who you are" will be giving way to some substantial pain. Welcome to adulthood.