I think, Olive, you have gained some clarity. It is the essence of maturity to face that sometimes we have to decide among options, none of which we love.

This young man has had the benefit of your love over a four year period, during which a lot of women might not have relished being with a student. Students don't have a lot of money. A thin wallet has never been considered a "chick magnet." Student years can be lonely. You've made his student years a lot less lonely. Now, with school winding down, he anticipates a bump up in his economic status. Coincidentally, he just now has decided he wants a firmer commitment from you on the no-kid-issue. (Hint: it's not a coincidence.)

I'm not saying he stayed up late concocting a plan to trap you. But you leaving him now would be less upsetting than if you left in the middle of his doctoral program. His ability to replace you is about to get a good little boost. Doctor So-and-So will have more swag than Student So-and-So. So, if you need to leave, he would appreciate it if you'ld do so now. Then he can cleanly move on into the next phase of his life. He won't be lonely long.

At least you would have the joy of knowing that you got him off to a good start in life. If you split, he goes off having nailed down the education he needed for the career of his dreams. He did it without being lonely. And he had a house-mate with a job who helped keep the fridge full. You, on the other hand, walk away with . . . . . . . . . . . . .