I want to start with the general caveat that my take on things is probably biased and that my own defects in reporting (recounting) is flawed in the narrative sense.

I am looking for some help from people or professionals who have more experience with the system, or who have lived through interactions with the system.

I have been trying to get on meds, or at the very least put into action a treatment plan for the dx for Bipolar Affective Disorder. I have been dx by 4 previous pdocs as bipolar. My co-morbidities include; general anxiety disorder and PTSD.

On my second to last visit, the pdoc dx'd me bp2 and we put a plan in place. I proceeded with the first step which took me over a year. During that time I experienced several episodes of "black" depression (where I sleep non-stop and do literally nothing for days to weeks). During these periods I lose time and the sense of time passing. Needless to say, my mind truncated a the year to so that when I called in January, I was thinking it had been only 5-mths since my September appointment.

The nurse said I was off the pdoc's patient list and I had to reapply. I did through my GP who had never supported my dx of BAD.

When I reported to the new pdoc I was expecting a continuation of the previous plan, since both pdocs work through the same hospital. Instead he started to re-evaluate me. I got angry at this point. The frustration spilled over. I was tired of being tired and feeling hopeless. It was always hard for me to reach out and each time I did there was no continuity of treatment, or arcane rules with delisted me from services despite my memory issues being a primary complaint.

So the pdoc says to me he doesn't think I am BP. Runs out of office after saying to see my GP in 2 weeks. I feel suspect. I feel like he is going or is in the process of giving me an entirely new DX and I was pretty sure where it was headed.

Two weeks pass, I think... could have been a month? Anyway, I see my doctor and the pdoc had changed my dx to borderline with antisocial features.

I feel defeated and beaten down. I know I am not borderline. I know I am not antisocial. I know I probably have some traits from those disorders, especially secondary psychopathy as I am sure I would have been dx'd w/ conduct disorder as a kid.

I don't know what to do. I don't know whom to talk with. It feels like these dx's are so wide and arbitrary they *can* mean little. I also feel as if my feelings are now invalid. That moving forward I will be stigmatized and no one will take my concerns or thoughts seriously.

Its so bad, at times, I think I ought to check into the hospital and I have intense fear/distress regarding them. (my thinking on this is still clear and I haven't crossed lines for myself, like looking at ld5's or planning anything).