It's been a long time since I've posted. This will be long, so I'll try to break it up for easy reading. I can't really do a TL;DR. Sorry.

Preface

I'm poor. I have no insurance. I'm in need of help. I've been married for 20 years; 4 kids. I was under the care of a psychiatrist and therapist before getting married. I was taking medication that seems to indicate that I was diagnosed as bipolar.

• lithium
• anti-psychotics
• also Paxil and others that I can't remember

I quit all of the medication and therapy shortly before my 1st child was born, because, "I want our daughter to have her 'real' dad.

20 years later and my wife is begging me to seek help.

I've done a lot of research and I believe that I have all the symptoms that point to ADHD. And that ADHD either causes, or is co-morbid with, Anxiety of the general variety.

Well, I finally found a councilor that will see me for free at a local non-profit, sliding-scale counseling center.

Awesome, right? Nope. I want to break up with him after today's session.

Main Body

I am a Christian. My counselor is a Christian. And this is part of the problem.

Most Evangelical Christians would probably consider me to be unorthodox - to downright heretical - in my beliefs. I have a different understanding of the biblical narrative than the majority of mainstream American Christians. And because my current councilor's technique is fundamentally based in his understanding of scripture, I have to fight myself to not turn sessions into a Bible study.

This is not conducive to a beneficial therapeutic relationship. I won't go further into that. But here is the rub:

I don't think he has a grasp on ADHD.

I don't know if I have it. But I want to find out. If it is true that I have a mood disorder, then I will deal with that. But I'm pretty sure it is ADHD. I just want to know the truth. Maybe I suffer from neither... or any psychiatric disorder, for that matter.

I spent a great deal of time this week writing out my responses in expanded form to a PsychCentral survey on ADHD (as well as printing out my Sanity Score) in order to take to the session. He didn't really look at either. Well, he glanced at it, and then proceeded to quote scripture out of context. He then went on to tell me that next week he wants to administer a "Temperament Personality Profile."

I looked it up. It looks like snake oil to me. But, I digress...

At the end of the session I told him that I was going to look into a local clinic that provides psychiatric care on a sliding scale. He looked at me and said, "Why?" I told him that I am struggling and my wife believes that I could benefit from medication. He said, "Well, I don't think you need medication."

I didn't challenge him. I should have said, "Based on what? That we've spent several weeks of not discussing any type of recognized psychological assessment? That you have done much of the speaking during sessions, telling me that you totally understand me, and quoting verses OUT OF CONTEXT?"

I know that I am rambling. I'm sorry; I just want to get this off my chest. I knew that I should not have gone to a Christian counselor. Now I have to remember what the purpose of this post was...

Basically, it looks like this Temperament Personality Profile is another name for the Arno Profile System, or the Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation, and is used pretty much exclusively by the National Christian Counselor's Association in lieu of other psychological profile systems.

Anyway. I hope that I am not being unreasonable. After years of knowing that I need help I finally did something about it. Now that I am seeing someone about my issues, am I just being obstinate and rebellious?

Oh, along with his what-seems-to-be a color by numbers system of "counseling", he also loves CBT. So far I hate CBT.

I talked to my wife and I have decided to go to that clinic I mentioned to the counselor. They have a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner.

I never knew there was such a thing as a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, so I looked it up. It appears that they can do exactly what a psychiatrist can do. Am I right?

Question

What would you do if you were me?