I don’t understand the dynamics of hypo mania. I was diagnosed with bp type 2 several years ago, and I’m just starting to grasp the possibility that the diagnosis could be correct.
When I drank, it was to medicate. Or celebrate. Or just get that high, happy feeling I couldn’t get being sober. Sometimes I remember getting drunk really fast and thinking that the older I get the less I can handle my liquor. My drinking was always binge drinking. Even if I intended on one beer, I usually drank all that I had.
I always drank alone, and at home. I would replay events in my mind, and feel sorry or guilty or ashamed that I didn’t become someone lovable. Sometimes I would text or message my exes, with whatever I thought was funny or stupid that they deserved to hear.
It’s embarrassing to think about. I’ve been sober over 3 months. Many times, I’ve had strong cravings, and even let my grown kids know that I will drink if I want (causes arguments) to prepare them for a possible relapse.
Especially when the days get warm, I think of nothing finer than a beer and a cig on the back porch watching the birds. I just know that it goes from a beautiful scene to a dark place more often than it should.
That pretty much sums up my story. Welcome and look forward to getting to know you.
Sans