Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
My mom is spending the night with us tomorrow night.
There are a lot of things wrapped up in those words.
I’ve been in counseling and experienced many somatic memories that are associated with my mom.
I’ve shared this before here. She stayed with us before and somehow I flushed her dentures down the toilet. I didn’t know it after it happened, and spent the day trying to figure out what in the world had happened to them. We searched garbage cans and looked everywhere they could be.
It came back to me in fragments.
I did it.
That was years ago. 3 or 4 maybe? I’m not sure.
She has a doctor appointment tomorrow and one the next morning and ask if she could stay with us overnight.
“Sure” I said!!
What???
I don’t know how this is going to turn out!!
I meet with my counselor tomorrow night and she will be here before I leave and after I get home. I don’t have words to explain what that is threatening to do to me internally.
I have talked about a lot of things that have come forward with my counselor and I’m in the middle of trying to help a part of me feel safe and heard. This all includes my mom!
Is this just me being over dramatic or can someone else see and understand my concern?
I don’t even want to go to sleep tonight!
I don’t want to think about going to sleep tomorrow night with her here.
What could happen!!!
We’ve talked about a lot of not nice things involving her.
I don’t know!
Maybe this is some kind of rant or some kind of flip out.
I don’t know!!
Anybody else?
It’s just weirdness that I can’t sort out.
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I understand. Once I figured out that I had MPD/DID or simply a serious dissociative disorder and knew that my family had to be the ones that caused it and promoted it, I began to have fears of my Mom. In my case, not only was I continually physically, emotionally, and psychologically traumatized by my two year older brother and my Mother, but Mom had this book on hypnosis and began trying to hypnotize me very early in my toddler years. When I told the first therapist, Dr. Penny Gardberg, about my Mom applying hypnotic induction to me when I was a toddler, Dr. Gardberg told me that I was delusional. Most of my childhood I thought what Mom was doing was telling me bedtime stories. When I was maybe two, Mom would whisper to me to put me to sleep and then continue whispering to me after I went to sleep. I would struggle to stay awake and listen to her but would doze off, then wake up, then doze off, etc. This went on from my early toddler years until I was about five or six. I read her book on hypnosis as a teenager but did not related it to my problems at that time because I had been programmed to not see what was happening to me as abuse or mistreatment. Anyway when I realized that I was mentally ill after a divorce in 1991 and began seeking treatment, I began to seriously think about my childhood. That was when I began thinking about sleep walking, sleep talking, hypnosis, etc. I finally realized that Mom had been trying to hypnotize me. After that I got scared if Mom tried to come around me when I was sleeping.
The other thing that I figured out was that Mom had contact with my alters but did not see them as different than me. She had had contact with them since my toddler years. Even though I began telling her that I had MPD/DID when I realized it she still had regular contact with my alters. I gave her a copy of Dr. Colin Ross's book to try to help her understand. This was another reason that I became scared to be around her. She did not understand that I would have amnesia for these other sides of me. I could not stop this.