Hey,

Haven't been on here for a while and I hope that I am posting this in the right section... also I am very sorry for this being so long!

For the first time ever (I have been receiving mh treatment and support for 10+ years) I am feeling really well supported and like I have the right supports in place to finally work through passed abuse and traumas I've been through but with that being said I also don't feel well enough mh wise to work on this stuff as I'm still finding myself going through a lot of suicidal thoughts/ urges and my depression is still quite severe and very much present right now so I feel torn and confused/ unsure of what to do. Self-harm is also still a big problem for me too.

My therapist wants me to start working on doing exposure therapy with her for all the abuse and traumas I have been through from a very young age. This scares and terrifies me though. She says if we do it then I have to try really hard not to dissociate though and I just don't think I'll be able to control that or minimize it from occurring but how can I tell her this so she understands how hard it will be for me? I also see a nurse regularly through my GP clinic (she doesn't work in mh field but use to and I see her at least 2-3 times every week plus I have email contact when needed with her available to me 24/7) and she wants to work on this stuff with me too but doesn't seem to want to work with my therapist and I don't feel like this is going to be helpful them wanting to work with me in different ways on the abuse and trauma stuff but not working as a team on it and I don't know how to bring this up? I've tried to before with the nurse I see but I guess she just doesn't get it or see it as being relevant?

Has anyone done exposure therapy for past abuse and traumas? If so how have you found it? When does it get easier if ever?

Also does anyone have any ideas on how I can get my therapist and nurse working together to help me through this stuff? I know it will be hard as both are really busy and it doesn't help that I see my nurse locally but I have to travel 2hrs to see my therapist and can only see her once a fortnight as I don't have the money to see my therapist weekly anymore hence seeing my nurse so regularly.. ugh I just feel so stuck and I want to run away and hide from all!

Sorry for long post and this not making much sense.. I just don't know what to do!!